


With Lotor

by open



Series: With Lance [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Pining Lance (Voltron), Self-Hatred, lance is not okay, season six
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-26 14:03:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15002426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/open/pseuds/open
Summary: With Prince Lotor working with Voltron, there isn't a lot that Lance can do. It feels like all of his days pass by slowly, and he has to get by somehow.Unfortunately for him, spending his free time lost in thought really takes a toll on his mental state.. . .this is just my take on what Lance puts himself through while he's in the Castle of Lions





	With Lotor

**Author's Note:**

> . : hey guys !! I haven't been on here in a long time, so I hope that my writing isn't too rusty !! please feel free to leave comments and kudos, because those are what motivate me to keep writing ! : .

There wasn't a lot that Lance could do.

He was in a floating castle in space, after all. His best friend had found someone else to hang out with - someone who actually knew what he meant when he was talking about the things that he was most passionate about. Hunk and Pidge were truly a perfect fit, and they complimented each other terribly well. Lance was jealous of it as soon as he noticed that he was drifting away from his friends. He was jealous, yes, but he was hardly upset.

He was jealous in a way that made him sad, but in a way that made him happy. It was a bittersweet moment for him, to say the least. On one hand, his best friend had found someone else. On the other hand, Hunk finally found someone that he connected with in his field of interests. Lance was proud of him, happy for him, and naturally, Lance allowed his friend to pursue this new friendship as far as he wished. Lance let Hunk find a new best friend, someone that was able to suit him better than the former Blue Paladin. 

Of course, Hunk would always still be his friend. All of them would, really. They were all very close, like a second family to each other. They would all stay connected and love and support one another, but...some people are just closer than others. With Hunk, it was Pidge. With Keith, it was Shiro. With Allura, it was Coran. With Allura...it was starting to look like even  _Lotor_ had a foot in front of Lance. And to Shiro, since Keith was never on the castle with them, was spending a questionable amount of time with Coran now. They looked as though they were getting closer, and Lance couldn't help but suspect that even  _Coran,_ a man who was sleeping for  _10,000 years_ , had an easier time talking to the others than Lance did.

So yes, Lance didn't have much to do.

In the mornings, though, he seemed to be stuck doing the same thing. He would wake up, of course, but he would stay in bed a tad bit  _too long_. He woke up rather late as it was, so staying in bed the extra hour might have been a bit much at time. He figured that no one would mind, though, since no one seemed to actually notice. 

A long time ago, though, when their space expeditions first started, Pidge did notice what Lance was doing.

She caught him red-handed, and that was why he started confining the action to his room.

_"Lance? What are you doing in here?"_

_He was sitting in the main room by himself, laying on the couch with his head hanging off the side. One of his legs was over the top of the couch, dangling off of it. He had something in his hands, and he was staring at it rather intently. He was focused, it was obvious. He didn't even notice when Pidge came into the room._

_"Is that your phone?" she asked, suddenly only inches away from Lance himself. This caught him off guard, making him scream. His body shot up, his limbs flailing like weightless noddles. He was upright soon enough, though, and he was glaring at Pidge with all of his being._

_"Haven't you ever heard of **knocking**?"  the boy shouted. He was clutching his phone with a vice grip, holding it tightly against his chest as to stop it from beating too quickly. Of course, his attempts failed. His heart rate sped up once more at Pidge's words._

_"Is it even charged? It probably died the first week we were here, right? I can find a way to charge it, if you want. You won't be able to access any online database, though, since we're in the middle of space." Pidge seemed to be more interested in the challenge than anything else at the moment, but she made sure to stop and pause. A brief look of irritation crossed her features, and she crossed her arms. "You're not in your room, Lance. I didn't need to knock."_

_Lance was caught at a standstill now. He wasn't entirely sure of what to do or what to say. At this point, Pidge was rather close to everyone. Everyone knew of her capabilities, and they knew that no mater how devious that she may be, she was someone who could be relied on completely. She was amazing, and that was why Lance was open to her from the very start._

_He didn't know what to say, though._

_On one hand, he thought that it would be nice to finally let this off of his chest. He wanted to be able to talk about what he had been suppressing and hiding for so long, and he wouldn't have minded telling Pidge about it. What he worried about then, though, is the word spreading around to the others. He wasn't entirely sure how well Pidge could keep a secret. He talked to Hunk almost every night before everyone went to sleep, and by the way that the boy spoke of Pidge, it seemed like she told him everything. Hunk always had new information about everything and everyone on the ship, and he seemed to be getting all of his information from the female paladin._

_Lance didn't want him knowing. Hunk might let Shiro know, and Shiro might let Allura know, and Allura was the last person Lance wanted knowing about his personal life. If she were to know, then she might try and confront Lance about it. Along with the unwanted confrontation, once Aluura knew of something on the ship, **everyone** knew about that something on the ship. Which meant that Keith and Coran would also know. Coran would be a fine person to talk to about these sorts of things, but Keith? He was climbing up the list of people-who-I-don't-want-knowing-about -my-personal-life really quickly, and he was at a race with Allura to be at the top._

_The boy could already imagine the conversations he would have to have with everyone:_

_Pidge first, of course. "Lance...we all miss our homes. We all miss Earth. We all miss our families." And even though Lance knew that it would be the one time that Pidge would try and comfort him (instead of tease) about something personal, it would be ineffective. Lance's mind would race, and he might end up telling her something that he would later grow to regret. He would tell her that her family was in space, and it was the entire reason she got roped into it in the first place. She was confirming that her brother and father were **alive**_ _, and Lance couldn't think of a better feeling than that must have been for her. He didn't want to insult her, though. He didn't want to be insensitive._

_Hunk would be the second one. "Hey, buddy...Pidge told me about what happened earlier. Do you want to go to your room and talk about it?" Hunk was always the nicest to talk to, but Lance knew that he didn't want to drag his friend down this hole. Hunk had his own set of problems to deal with, and Lance wasn't the type of person to burden other people with his personal problems. So he would know to appreciate Hunk, but he would have to decline his offer, saying that he was just a little **tired** earlier, and to not give it much thought._

_"_ _**I'll forget about it in the morning, so don't worry. Now let's both get some sleep, okay?** "_

_He knew that it would make Hunk feel a little bad by turning him away, but he also knew that if anyone were going to understand, it would be him. Hunk had always had a special way of understanding his friends, and even if he wasn't entirely sure of the situation, he liked to make sure that the others knew that he was always there for them. He really was an anchor to reality, there to remind everyone of what it was like to be a true team and family, even while everything seemed to be going down for them._

_Shiro would be worse than Hunk; Lance knew that for a fact. It would come the day after his initial interaction with Pidge, The way that Lance imagined this one happening was probably the worst of all, and just thinking about it made the boy grimace._

_"Lance! Can we **talk**?" It was something completely and utterly  **Shiro** , and it would make Lance, if only for just a moment, wonder how his role model could be such a **dad**. He would have to shake it off though, going to sit down beside Shiro and ask him what was up. Of course, he knew very well what would happen next, for there was only one thing for Shiro to do._

_"_ _Have I ever told you about what it was like when I went on the Kerberos mission? I don't remember much from it, but I remember what I **felt**. After I realized that my friends were gone, and I was alone..." He didn't often open up about what his past was like, especially when he was on the ship with the Galra. It was mostly because of his trauma-induced amnesia, but it was also because of how hard it was to focus on those things. He didn't want to think about how he lost an arm, a brother, his mentor, or his life back on Earth. He didn't like to dwell on the things that could have been prevented if things just went a little differently. Lance respected that about him, how he was able to move forward from such tragedies. He truly was a hero._

_"Is that what you're feeling right now?"_

_Confessing your true feelings to your role model was never something that anyone wanted to do. Lance would know this well if he were to be put in this position. He would want to avoid talking about himself, simply to show Shiro that he was okay. He was strong enough to do these things, and he would be able to take after him. Lance was planning to be like the Black Paladin, so he didn't want to talk about the things that were getting him down or holding him back. He knew that Shiro would understand, that he would probably give a speech about how caring for others makes people stronger, and that it wasn't a weakness. "If you didn't have so many people close to your heart, I don't think the blue lion would have chosen you."_

_It was something that Lance didn't want to hear, though, because he already knew those things. He wasn't comfortable enough yet to be vulnerable in front of their leader. He wasn't comfortable to be vulnerable in front of **either** of the leaders, actually, because Allura would definitely be the next to talk to him._

_"Lance," she would say in her surprisingly **British** accent (she is an alien, after all), "I think we should talk." And as much as those words would make his heart race, it would be for an entirely different reason this time. She didn't want to talk about her, or about him, or about  **them** ; she wanted to talk about the  **team**. Or, more specifically, she wanted to talk about the bettering of the team, and how Lance would have to reconfirm his commitment. She would say that she knew that this was hard, but the entire universe was depending on them. He wouldn't be able to back out, and she knew that he wouldn't. If his resolve wasn't strong enough, Blue wouldn't have chosen him, after all._

_It would be an awful pep talk about how the lions knew best, about how innocent lives were in their hands, about how planets were being killed, and they were the only thing about to stop it from continuing. Lance, at this point, will have heard it many times before, and this time wouldn't be anything new. He would nod along, letting out a few solemn sighs near the end before he finished the conversation with the usual:_

_"I know, princess. I know what we're supposed to do, and I know how important it is. I'm still in. I'm going to do this one hundred percent."_

_Talking with Allura would be something of a routine at this point, something that Lance (and everyone else on the team, he was sure) was used to. What would be difficult for the boy to deal with though, was the possibility of Keeth knowing of something this personal._

_Lance wasn't entirely sure what would ensue after the Red Paladin found out. He wasn't sure if Mullet would try to talk to him about it, or if he would just snort when he heard the news. He didn't know if Keith would feel sympathy, or if he would just feel humored by such raw feelings. Lance wasn't sure about anything when it came to Keith. He didn't know him personally before this whole catastrophe, even though he acted as if he did. In reality, though, he was always on a different level than Keith; he was always on a **lower** lever. He was truly no match for Mullet when it came to...anything. Keith was at the top of their class in the Garison, and Lance was only able to make it to fighter-class because of Keith dropping out. Lance was at the bottom of the class, and his instructors never failed to remind him of that._

_Keith was better at everything that Lance tried to do. He was always compared to the other, not because they were always neck-and-neck, but because they were on opposite sides of the spectrum. The best was always compared to the worst, and Lance was taught time after time again that he was in one of those positions, and Keith was in the other._

_He always wondered, though, what would happen if Keith understood that. He wondered how the Red Paladin would feel if he knew just how often his name was brought up when authorities spoke to Lance. He wondered if Keith would laugh at him, if he would gloat and brag, if he would make the same insensitive jokes that the instructors and kids at the Garison always would. He wondered if Keith would care about it at all, or if he would feel bad or apologize... Secretly, Lance had always hoped that he would be able to meet Keith and find out what kind of guy he was. Watching from afar and listening to outlandish stories told to him by his mates wasn't a lot to go by. When he had encountered him when saving Shiro all of those weeks ago, he wasn't sure what to expect. He **still** doesn't know what to expect from the other, but he knew one thing for sure:_

_It was **a lot** easier to take out anger on Keith than it was anything else._

_And Lance took advantage of that. With that in mind, though, he would completely understand if Keith were to take out any negative emotion on him. He expects ridicule, and one could say that he even preferred it. It was a selfish way of Lance coping with the situation that he was in. it would make him feel less guilty about causing so much trouble for Keith. At the same time, though...it was hard for Lance to think about the possibility of Keith laughing at him for something like this. It would hurt him more than he would like to admit to himself. And maybe that was the reason as to why Lance didn't explain anything to Pidge._

_"Pidge, we're in the middle of the universe! Why would I need my phone when there's so much to learn and explore?" he said, brushing the girl off as he stood up and shrugged. "I was just thinking about how everyone back home is going to miss me. Especially **Iverson** ," he remarked with a smirk, looking at Pidge as he spoke. His words had the desired effect as the girl chortled. She still looked skeptic and suspicious, but she didn't look like she was going to question anything. Instead, she shoved her hands into her pockets and walked out of the room, reminding him that he actually  **should** be training._

_As she left, though, Lance made a mental note to never take his phone out of his bedroom again._

__

In the mornings, Lance would stay in bed for an extra hour, taking his phone and staring at its blank screen. This is what Pidge had caught him doing so long ago, and it was why he kept the act confined to his bedroom.

All that time ago, when Pidge first discovered his hobby, Lance had to keep a very specific secret. He never told her  _why_ he was staring at his phone so often. In reality, it was because of how many pictures he had on it. His phone was something that he used often back home, but there was nothing he used it for more often than taking pictures. He had over one thousand of him and his family, and there were a couple more of the beautiful scenery that he got to see whenever he went back to Cuba. His pictures were what made him feel like he was home, even when he was away at the Garison, and he knew that they would have the same effect while he was out in space, countless of light years away from home. He knew better than to try and look at them, though.

Lance knew that if he had asked Pidge to charge his phone, he would have never stopped looking through the pictures. He would have been glued to his phone, scrolling through the memories that he happened to capture on camera. He would be reminded of all of the things and place and people that he loved, and he would feel nothing more than the overwhelming  _need_ to go back home. He would have told Pidge that there was nothing harder than leaving his family, and he would explain that even while he was at the Garison, he needed to go home every other weekend because he got homesick. He would have had to tell Pidge what all of them actually felt, and he didn't want to be the one to point it out.

So he kept quiet, moving the task into his bedroom. It was close to a ritual now, something that he did every morning. He would take an hour to think about his home and to remember his family. He would dedicate that time solely to those that he missed. It was the least that he could do, he felt like. After all, before he left Earth, he had promised to call home at least every other day. He couldn't imagine what it felt like for his family, sitting around the house and waiting for a phone call that came months too late.

Only after Lance had spent that time with his memories, he would get out of bed. He would do his daily work out, shower, and then go off into the ship.

 _That_ was how he started his mornings.

**Author's Note:**

> . : that ends the first chapter, so i hope you enjoyed !! the next should be up within one to two weeks from now ! : .


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